翻译:Carol 校对:白羽黑鹭 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net
消消气
早安 Good morning.
不行 No.
拉里 这样不行 Larry, no.
什么不行？你在说什么？ No, what? What are you talking about?
你昨天不就穿的这件外套吗？ Didn't you just wear that jacket yesterday?
是啊 我跟昨天穿了一样的衣服 Yeah, l'm wearing the exact same outfit.
我不想再... l didn't feel like going through...
从头开始选一套衣服出来 that whole decision process of picking out an outfit.
这样很不好 lt's awful.
你知道吗？我觉得是时候把这件扔了 You know what? l think it's time to get rid of it.
你在说什么？这件怎么了？ What're you talking about? What's the matter with it?
全部都不行 你看看啊 是红褐色的 Everything. Look at it, it's maroon.
- 是红褐色的啊 - 它还... -Maroon, yeah. -lt's got....
- 你觉得这颜色好看？ - 我觉得很适合我啊 -You think that's a good look? -l think it's a good color for me, yeah.
- 不适合 - 什么？ -lt's not. -What?
不如你脱了它 Why don't you just take it off...
我准备给那个在加油站附近游荡的流浪汉... because l'm getting some clothes together for that homeless guy...
收集一些衣服 that hangs out by the gas station?
我很早就开始穿这件了 从《宋飞正传》开始 l've had this jacket since I started doing, since Seinfeld.
- 嗯 我相信你 - 这是我晚上表演穿的衣服 -Yeah, I believe you. -This is my show night jacket.
- 我晚上有表演的时候就穿这件 - 那很好啊 -l wore this on show night. -Okay, great.
但是现在真应该... But you know, it's really time...
更新一下你的衣柜了 你不觉得吗？ to update your wardrobe a little, don't you think?
什么？别动我的衣服！ What? Get the hell out of here!
- 听着 - 你在干嘛... -Listen. -What are you....
一下就好 全程无痛 这不就脱下来了 This will be quick and painless. There you go.
理查德路易斯在你办公室 Richard Lewis is in your office.
这周末我不在 So, l'm not gonna be around this weekend...
先跟你说一声 以防你需要联系我 in case you wanna get in touch with me for some reason.
- 你要去哪儿？ - 蒙特雷 -Where you going? -l'm going to Monterey.
- 不错啊 - 嗯 谢丽儿的妹妹要结婚了 -That's nice. -Yeah, Cheryl's sister is getting married.
- 贝基要结婚了？真的吗？ - 对 她要嫁给一个犹太人 -Becky's getting married? Really? -Yeah, to a Jew. Marrying a Jew.
真的？我就嫁了犹太人 找老公就要找犹太人 Really? So am l. They make the best husbands.
但是他要改信基督教 And he's converting.
要接受洗礼那套东西 He's getting baptized and the whole thing, whatever.
- 真的啊？ - 嗯 -Really? -Yeah.
这样吧 But, you know what?
我把我在那儿的电话号码给你 l'll leave you the number where l'm gonna be staying...
- 万一你有什么事要联系我 - 好的 -just in case anything comes up. -Okay.
我来是为了感谢你的录像带 但是我... l came up here for the tape, and thank you, but l....
天啊 我真不想说这事儿 因为你总是误解我 God, I hate doing this, 'cause, you know, you always take it the wrong way.
每件事你都会误解 从我认识你开始就这样 You take everything the wrong way, ever since l've known you.
七年前 我在巴黎 我记得很清楚... Seven years ago, l was in Paris, and I remember it exactly--
忘了巴黎吧！ Forget Paris!
你偷了我的电话答录提示语 All right, you stole my outgoing message on my answering machine.
你疯了吗？脑袋秀逗了？ What, are you crazy? What, are you nuts?
我知道你是个正直的人 我也是 l know you're ethical, l'm ethical.
我们都痛恨别人偷笑话 You know, when people steal jokes, we fucking hate that.
但是我也很讨厌别人偷我的电话提示语 But I hate when people fucking steal my outgoing messages.
你都不知道你在说些什么 You don't even know what you're talking about.
你跟我的电话答录提示语一样 You have my same answering machine outgoing message...
这让我很不爽！ and it bugs me!
- 那是我的提示语留言！ - 是我在巴黎写的！ -That's my message! -l wrote it in Paris!
你在巴黎写的？我七年前就想出来了！ You wrote it in Paris? l had that message seven years ago!
- 胡说！ - 七年... -Bullshit! -Seven years....
我七年半以前写的！ l wrote it seven and a half years ago!
你觉得谁的话更可信？ Whose word are you gonna trust, okay?
前酒鬼的还是每时每刻... An ex-alcoholic's, or a person who was lucid 24 hours a day...
都很清醒的人的？ his whole life?
- 帮我个忙行吗？ - 什么忙？ -Do me a favor? -What?
- 麻烦你改了吧 - 什么？ -Please change it. -What?
这让我很烦 'Cause it's really bothering me.
我想让你把留言改了 因为人们给我打电话... l want you to change that 'cause people call me...
之后再给你打 就会说 "拉里大卫也有一样的留言" and they call you, and they go, ''Larry David has the same thing.''
"才他妈不是拉里大卫想出来的呢 是我" ''Fucking Larry David's, it's mine.''
我没老婆 也没有... l don't have a wife, l don't have, you know....
我爸妈也去世了 你有家庭 My parents are dead. You have a family.
拜托了 改了吧 可以吗... Come on, change it. Can you.... Come on.
他没老婆 也没爹娘 He doesn't have a wife, and his parents are dead.
没错 我就靠这些东西活了 老兄 That's right. I hold onto these things, man.
没老婆 爸妈也死了 Doesn't have a wife, and his parents are dead.
帮我个忙 就为我改了吧 Do me a favor and change it for me.
好吧 我改 因为你又没娶到老婆... Yeah, l'll change it, because you don't have a wife...
还失去了双亲 and your parents, you lost your parents.
我笑了 因为你很搞笑 l'm laughing, 'cause you're funny.
他们本来应该九十五高龄了但是却死了 And they would've been 95, but they're dead.
- 我在笑 但是如果你不改的话... - 真惨啊 -l'm laughing but if you don't change it... -lt's a shame.
你闹够了没？ Are you done?
够了 我才没偷你的留言 混蛋 Yeah, l'm done. l didn't steal your message, asshole.
我没偷 l didn't take it.
是你偷我的 但是你猜怎么着？我原谅你 You took it from me, but you know what? l'll be the man.
随便你吧 Whatever.
真荒谬 Ridiculous.
嗨 我们现在不在 听到提示音后请留言 谢谢 Hi, we're not in. Please leave a message at the tone. Thank you.
很好 Fantastic.
- 这有什么不好的？ - 哪里不好？因为这不公平 -What's wrong with that? -What's wrong? lt's because it's not fair.
- 至少你承认心里有愧 - 才不是 -At least it's an admission of guilt. -lt's not an admission of guilt.
这怎么就是承认心里有愧了？我这是大度 How's that an admission of guilt? l was the man.
我是个大度的人 胸襟开阔的人 l'm a big man. l'm a big, expansive man.
你是个小肚鸡肠的人 You're a small, petty man.
你回头可别改了 Don't change that.
我记得你录那条留言 我觉得很有趣 l remember when you made that message. l thought it was very funny.
你知道的 为了展现我的大度 You know, so then to show that I was the man...
我在办公室当他的面改了留言 l changed the message right in front of him in the office.
- 在办公室改的？ - 对 -From the office? -Yeah.
我不知道你在办公室也能改 l didn't know you could change your outgoing message.
- 可以 很简单 - 我以为得在家改 -Yeah, it was easy. -l thought you had to be here.
我需要带什么？旅行外套？ What do I got to take? Do I need a traveling outfit?
对 需要旅行外套 还需要在洗礼仪式上穿的衣服 Yes, you need a traveling outfit, you need something for the baptism.
- 所以我们可能... - 洗礼到底是什么？ -So, we're probably... -What is a baptism anyway?
- 你不知道洗礼是什么？ - 不知道 -You don't know what a baptism is? -l have no idea.
- 跟水有关的？ - 嗯 -Something to do with water? -Yeah.
我不敢相信你连洗礼都不知道是什么 l can't believe you don't know what a baptism is.
- 我真不知道 - 你明天就会知道了 亲临现场 -l don't know what it is. -You'll find out tomorrow, firsthand.
你可以目睹整个过程 You're gonna witness the whole thing.
不是犹太人的人参加洗礼一般穿什么？ What does the average gentile wear to a baptism?
- 大概... - 蓝夹克 红领带和白衬衫？ -Something.... -Blue blazer and a red tie and a white shirt?
- 对 你有这样的衣服吗？ - 我的圣安东尼... -Yeah, do you have that? -My St. Anthony's....
卡其裤和蓝夹克就很好 Khakis and a blue blazer would be wonderful.
- 婚礼也要穿一套吧？ - 婚礼上的衣服也要 -And then something for the wedding? -Then something for the wedding.
- 还有第二天的？ - 嗯 -Then the next day? -Yes.
这么麻烦 Boy, this is rough.
不敢相信这家伙要改信仰 Can't believe this guy's converting.
他为什么要这样？ Why is he doing that?
只有你们来我们这边的 我们从来不去你们那边 You guys come to our side, we don't go to your side.
犹太人不会改变信仰 我真的很惊讶 Yeah. Jews don't convert. l'm really surprised.
你知道吗？如果他不改 她就不会嫁给他 You know what? lf he didn't convert, she wouldn't marry him.
我了解贝基 她很... l know that about Becky. She's very....
她对自己的信仰很热诚 She's very passionate about her religion.
为什么基督徒总是把耶稣 Why do Christians take everything so personally...
搞得这么私人化？ with Christ, you know?
不只是他们自己要崇拜基督 lt's like, not only do you have to worship him...
他们想让所有人都崇拜基督 you want everybody to.
这就像是 我喜欢龙虾 但我有到处强迫别人喜欢龙虾吗？ lt's like, I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people?
"你必须喜欢龙虾 吃点龙虾吧 Do I say, ''You must like lobsters, eat lobster.
很好吃" 我会这样说吗？而且不止是在他们住的地方 ''lt's good, it's good''? You know, it's not only where you live.
他们会去非洲 满世界跑 You go to Africa, you travel all over the world.
"吃龙虾吧 吃点吧 很不错的" ''Eat lobster, have some more lobster, it's good.''
- 我不认为... - "我们要你吃龙虾！" -l don't really think it's... -''We want you to have lobster!''
龙虾和宗教 我觉得两者没有可比性 Lobster and religion, l really don't see the similarities.
早上几点车来接我们？ What time is the car picking us up in the morning?
我开车 l'm gonna drive.
- 直接叫车吧... - 不 我不想叫车 -Let's just take... -No, I don't wanna take that car service.
总是不准时 靠不住 They never show up, they're not dependable.
那我们到机场之后还要找停车位 Then we have to find a parking space when we get to the airport.
早点出发就没问题了 We'll leave early, that's okay.
- 看看这一堆 - 要带的也太多了 -Look at all this. -That's too much stuff.
亲爱的 该走了！ Come on, honey, let's get going!
我找不到机票了 l can't find the tickets.
你最后一次看到它们是什么时候？ When was the last time you had them?
办公室 My office.
我落办公室了 l left them in the office.
该死 Shit.
没关系 还有时间 That's okay, we got time.
没事 来得及 我们起的够早 lt's all right, we have time. We got up early enough.
不在办公室 They're not there.
但是我知道在哪儿 And I know where they are.
昨天 我按楼下大门密码的时候 Yesterday, when I pressed the security code to get into my office...
有个很奇怪的人盯着我看 there was this creepy guy and he was watching me...
我按的每个密码他都看到了 and he saw me press every number.
我打赌他肯定进了我办公室 我就知道 他站在那儿... l'll bet you he got into that office. l knew it. He was standing there...
我就知道要出事 and I knew something was gonna happen.
有人去你办公室偷了去蒙特雷的机票？ Somebody came into your office and stole airline tickets to Monterey?
我就知道应该跟大楼主管说一声的 l knew I should've said something to the supervisor.
为什么会有人偷去蒙特雷的机票？ Why would somebody steal tickets to Monterey?
为什么不会？蒙特雷是个好地方 Why not? Monterey's a beautiful place.
别的东西有没有被偷？还有别的不见了吗？ Was anything else stolen? Was anything else gone?
我不知道 没注意 l don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
机票上有我们所有的信息 地址 电话 All our information is on there, our address, our phone number.
他不会闯进我们家的 他要去蒙特雷了 He's not gonna break into our house, he's going to Monterey.
难以置信 This is ridiculous.
我给航空公司打个电话 跟他们说下情况 l'll call the airline and tell them what happened.
他拿着我们的机票上不了飞机吧？ He can't get on the plane with our tickets, can he?
怎么上不了？那就只是张票 Why can't he? lt's a ticket.
他拿着票就能上飞机 给航空公司打电话吧 He hands them the ticket, he walks on the plane. Call the airline.
不对 我觉得不是这样的 我不清楚 No, I don't think it works like that. l don't know.
好吧 就跟他们说说发生了什么 All right, just tell them what's going on.
好 嗨 你好 西部航空吗？ Okay. Hi. Yes, AirWest?
谢谢 Thank you.
在转接 They're connecting.
嗨 我是谢丽儿大卫 我... Hi, my name is Cheryl David and l'm....
得等他们接电话 l'm on hold.
怎么样？ Well? What?
我还在等 拉里 时间来得及吗？ l'm still on hold, Larry. How are we doing on time?
不知道 我觉得来得及吧 l don't know. We'll make it, I think.
嗨 你好 Hi, yes.
我们在去机场的路上 我们的机票被偷了 We're on our way to the airport right now, our tickets have been stolen.
有人要用我们的票上飞机 Somebody's gonna get on the plane with our tickets.
不... No...
他们又让我等着了 They just put me on hold.
说要去找主管 They're gonna get a supervisor.
看看这车 Look at this.
要走林肯高速吗？ Should I go to Lincoln?
- 随便你 - 我需要你的同意 -Whatever you want. -l need Lincoln approval.
- 我自己不能决定 告诉我 - 那就走林肯吧！ -l can't do it on my own, tell me. -Then go Lincoln!
停车场在这儿 There's the lot.
嗨 Hi.
好了 就让我... Okay, let me just...
不 因为我已经跟你说过了 No, because l've already spoken to you.
这就是我想说的 我不能... 你帮不到我 That's what l'm saying, l can't... You cannot help me.
- 不 我需要... - 算了 -No, I need a... -Just forget it.
这样吧 不用了 我们已经到机场了 You know what? Just forget it. We're already here at the airport.
没位子 There's no spaces.
- 难以置信 - 对啊 机场很难找到车位 -This is unbelievable. -Yeah, parking is hard to find at the airport.
真是新鲜事啊 拉里 That's something new, Larry.
现在想来 可能是应该叫车的 Maybe in retrospect, we should've taken the car service.
天啊 Oh, my God.
拉里 我们已经来过这儿了 Larry, we've been down this aisle.
他在干嘛？ What's this guy doing?
就他 Yeah.
你好 你要走了吗？ Excuse me, you leaving?
他要走了 Yeah, he's leaving.
太好了 Beautiful.
我们一会儿就直接去登机口... 也许他已经坐上飞机了 So I guess we'll just run to the gate... Maybe he's already in our seat.
我想知道他有没有带别人一起 l wonder if he brought a date.
他怎么这么慢？ What's taking this guy so long?
- 他在干嘛？ - 啥都没干 -What the hell is he doing? -Nothing.
没关系 慢慢来 没人在等你 Yeah, it's all right, take your time. Nobody's waiting for you.
打个电话 喝杯咖啡 Make a call, have a cup of coffee.
吃个百吉圈 And then have a nice bagel.
睡一会儿 Take a little nap.
没关系 That's fine.
你在干嘛呢？ What are you doing in there?
换个位置行吗 你来这儿也能坐着 我们要赶飞机 Trade places, you can do it over here. l'm trying to get catch a plane, sir.
早点来啊 怪我咯 Get here earlier. lt's not my fault.
- 多谢提醒 - 她要走了 -Thanks for the tip. -She's leaving.
太好了 Good, okay.
很好 Yeah.
什么？ What?
- 他怎么... - 先生！ -Did he not.... -Mister!
没有空车位为什么还让我们进去？ lf the lot's full, why do they even let you go in?
根本就不应该给我们票 They shouldn't even give you a ticket.
像白痴一样转了十五分钟 Gotta drive around like an idiot for 15 minutes?
天啊 看这队 God, look at that line.
- 你想怎么办？ - 我们没时间排队了 -What do you wanna do? -We don't have time to stand in line.
- 不能直接到最前面啊 - 这是特殊情况 -We just can't cut right in front. -This is an exception.
得到前面直接跟她说 We'll have to go to the front and tell her.
- 到前面？ - 对啊 -Go to the front? -Yeah.
解释一下情况 我们没时间了拉里 来吧 We'll just explain the situation. We don't have time, Larry, come on.
- 你们在干什么？ - 嗨 -Where are you guys going? -Hi.
- 不好意思 请排队 - 有人拿了我们的票 -Excuse me, we're in line. -Somebody took our tickets.
我们把机票弄丢了 We've lost our tickets.
我很乐意帮助你们 但是请先排队 l'd be happy to help you if you step to the back of the line.
我们没时间了 我之前打了电话... We really don't have time. l was actually on the phone...
我理解 但是还是请先排队 l understand that, but you need to get to the back of the line, please.
每个人都得排队 Everybody here has been waiting, okay?
轮到你们我会帮忙的 好吗？谢谢 l will take care of you when it's your turn, okay? Thank you.
飞机坐满了吗？ ls the plane filled up?
先生 请马上去排队 谢谢 Sir, please get to the back of the line right now, thank you.
真是抱歉 刚才说到哪儿了？ l'm so sorry about that. All right, where were we?
都办好了 You're all set.
我找到那个人了 就是他 l got the guy. That's the guy.
- 什么？ - 我找到那个家伙了 -What? -l got the guy.
好了 把机票给我吧 Okay, you can give me the ticket.
- 我需要机票 - 你在说什么 -l want the ticket. -l don't know what you're talking about.
我在说什么？ What l'm talking about?
我在说你从我办公室拿走的机票 l'm talking about the ticket you took from my office.
你记住了大门密码 进到了办公室 You memorized the building code, you got into the office.
我要我的机票 要坐飞机 l want the ticket. I gotta get on the plane.
- 你认错人了 - 我觉得没有 -You got me confused with somebody else. -l don't think I do.
我没有拿你的机票 l don't have your ticket.
- 好吧 好吧 - 我的机票是我自己的 -Yeah, right. -l have my own ticket.
当然了 Of course you do.
我是去参加丧礼的 我母亲去世了 lt's a bereavement thing, my mother's death.
好吧 我想看看机票 行吗？ Right, okay, yeah. l'd like to take a look at it, okay?
- 是你的机票 不是吗？ - 你想看我的机票？ -lt's your ticket, right? -You wanna see my ticket?
对 我想看看 Yeah, I do.
想看看？那就给你看看 行了吧？ You wanna see? Let's take a look, all right?
- 好 - 名字写的什么？ -Yeah. -What's the name right here?
是你的名字吗？不 是我的名字 "克里斯达加" ls it your name? No, it's mine. ''Chris Darga.''
看清了吗 如果这票是你的 这里就会写"该死的傻逼"了 See, if this were yours, it would say ''Fucking Douchebag.''
混蛋 Asshole.
节哀顺变 Sorry about your mother.
女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen.
前往加利福尼亚蒙特雷的的西部航空1459次航班 AirWest flight 1459 to Monterey, California...
16至30排旅客开始登机 is now boarding rows 16 through 30.
乘坐西部航空1459次航班前往蒙特雷的旅客请注意 Once again for all AirWest passengers, flight 1459 to Monterey...
16至30排现在开始登机 we are boarding rows 16 through 30.
我知道你做了什么 l know what you did.
- 你在跟我说话吗？ - 对 -You talking to me? -Yeah.
- 我知道 - 什么？ -l know. -What?
- 机票 - 什么机票？ -The ticket. -What ticket?
你在说什么？ What are you talking about?
去蒙特雷的机票 The ticket right here, to Monterey.
- 我知道了 别装了 - 你认错人了 -l know, come on. -l think you got the wrong guy.
把机票还我 我就不会说出去... Give me the ticket back, l won't say anything...
我没拿你的机票 你在说什么？ l don't have your ticket. What are you talking about?
行了 机票给我 Come on, the ticket.
滚一边儿去 Go fuck yourself.
好吧 Okay.
女士们先生们 去往蒙特雷的西部航空1459次航班 Ladies and gentlemen, AirWest flight 1459 to Monterey...
1至15排现在开始登机 is now boarding rows one through 15.
- 你在干什么？ - 找那个人 -What are you doing? -l was looking for the guy.
你看过这些人了吗？有什么可疑的人吗？ Did you look at these people? Did you see anything?
我不知道你在找什么样的人 拉里 l don't know who you're looking for, Larry.
这是直飞蒙特雷的1459次航班的最后召集 Final boarding call for flight 1459, non-stop to Monterey.
请所有旅客登机 Will all remaining passengers please board?
您的航班一小时之后才会起飞... Okay, you know, your flight does not even leave for another hour...
时间还很充裕 现在都还没有开始登机... so you have plenty of time. We're not even boarding that yet...
不用着急 到时候我们会给您打电话的 谢谢 so just take it easy and we'll call you when we're ready. Thanks.
嗨 我们把机票弄丢了 现在得马上登机 Hi. We lost our tickets. We need to get on this flight right now.
有人偷了我们的票 他们现在在飞机上 Somebody stole our tickets, they're on the plane.
我一张票都没了 都卖完了 实在抱歉 l don't have a single ticket. l'm completely sold out. l'm sorry.
我们已经买了票的 We already have tickets.
问题是 有人占了我们的座儿 明白吗？ The point is, somebody is in our seats, see?
- 我觉得不... - 这很有可能 -l don't think that's... -No, that's very possible
门关了 Actually, the door is closed.
这意味着从法律上讲我不能再上飞机了 That means I am not legally allowed to go back on the plane.
我可以帮你们订另外一班飞机 l can get you on another flight
有人在这架飞机上坐了我们的座位 Somebody's sitting in our seats on the plane.
- 我们有这班飞机的票 - 我能看下票吗？ -We have tickets for that flight. -Can I see the tickets, please?
- 现在没有了 - 票被偷了 -We don't have them. -They were stolen.
我不能再上飞机了 我也没办法 l can't go on the plane, my hands are tied.
但是我可以帮你们定下一个航班... But what I can do for you is I can get you on the next flight...
四点到的 which will get you in at 4:00.
那不行 That would not be good, actually.
我们会错过洗礼 错过... We would miss the baptism, we would miss...
我很抱歉 l'm sorry.
我们要去参加婚礼 几小时之后就得到那儿 We're trying to go to a wedding, and we need to be there in a few hours
我有个主意 我想我可以... 也许这样行得通 l have an idea, I think I can actually... Maybe this will work.
没有去蒙特雷的飞机了... l don't have another flight to Monterey...
但是可以去旧金山 十点半你们可以到旧金山 but I can send you through San Francisco. 10:30, get you in San Francisco.
只要一个小时 lt's only an hour flight.
然后你们可以租车开到蒙特雷去 大概一百六十公里 You can rent a car and drive to Monterey. lt's about 100 miles.
大概两点就可以到了 这样就解决了 That'd get you in by about 2:00, and that should work for you.
这样就不会错过洗礼了 Then we wouldn't miss the baptism.
- 没错 - 好吧 -Exactly. -That's fine.
那我来帮您办理 l'll set that up for you.
我需要您的信用卡就可以帮您办了 l need a credit card and l'll get this all rolling for you.
拉里 把信用卡给她 Larry, give her your credit card.
- 带手机了吗？ - 嗯 -You got the cell phone? -Yeah.
我想给理查德路易斯打个电话 你可以证明留言是我想的 l wanna call Richard Lewis. l want you to corroborate this message.
- 太蠢了 - 怎么就蠢了？ -That is so ridiculous. -Why is it ridiculous?
这留言真好笑 That is such a funny message.
你怎么想出来的？ How did you ever come up with something like that?
真是聪慧过人 我老婆正坐在我旁边... You are so clever. l'm sitting here with my wife...
我相信她可以厘清这个争议 and I believe that she can shed some light on this controversy.
- 等一下 - 我不想说 -So, just hold on. -No, I don't wanna do that.
-来嘛 谢丽儿 - 别闹了 -Come on, Cheryl. -Stop it.
我不想说 拉里 我现在不想干这个 l don't want to do it, Larry. l don't feel like doing that right now.
她会当面跟你说的 She'll talk to you in person.
她想当面跟你讨论 She wants to discuss this in person.
好了 Okay.
去往旧金山的627次航班... Flight 627 to San Francisco....
谢谢你 Thank you.
16排及其后的旅客现在可以登机了 All passengers in rows 16 and higher may board now.
- 都好了 - 从这里去蒙特雷要多久？ -All set. -How long does it take to get to Monterey?
- 大概两小时 - 两小时？那还来得及 -About two hours. -Two hours? We can still make it.
好了 我来开车 谢谢 Okay. l'm gonna drive. Thank you.
老天 慢点开 Jesus Christ, slow down.
我要查下答录机 l'm gonna check the machine.
你吃过刚摘下来的葡萄吗？ Have you ever had a fresh grape?
我吃过新鲜的苹果 从来没吃过新鲜的葡萄 l've had fresh apples, never had a fresh grape.
也没吃过新鲜的樱桃 还有梨 l've never had a fresh cherry, never had a fresh pear.
都没见过梨 没在水果摊以外的地方见过 Never seen a pear. Never saw a pear outside of a fruit stand.
怎么回事？怎么都没有答录机？ What's going on? The machine's not even coming on.
没有留言 There's no message.
你在办公室改的留言吗？ The message that you changed from your office?
- 对啊 - 听不到？ -Yeah. -Yeah. lt's not working?
- 嗯 - 你改了之后检查过没有？ -No. -Did you check it after you changed it?
没有检查 我以为... 我的操作都是对的 No, I didn't check it, l thought it was... I did it right.
好吧 Yeah.
那又怎样？ So what?
就错过几个电话 没什么大不了的 So we miss a couple of calls, big deal.
这里很不错啊 你不觉得吗？乡间很漂亮 This is nice country, don't you think? Nice country up here.
也许可以搬到这里 你觉得呢？ Maybe we should move up here. Think we should?
我觉得你应该看地图 看看我们现在到底在哪儿 l think you should look at the map and find out where we are exactly.
安顿下来？你觉得我们现在算是安顿下来了吗？ Settle down? Are we settled down, do you think?
我是说 到底怎么才算是安顿下来了呢？ l mean, what do you have to be to be settled down?
我们有房子 椅子 We have a house, and chairs.
用葡萄做汽水可以 做口香糖也差不多... You know, grape works as a soda, sort of as a gum...
但是奇怪为什么不能做派呢 but I wonder why it doesn't work as a pie.
葡萄派？没有葡萄派 Grape pie? There's no grape pie.
我不知道... l don't know...
我们真需要阿拉斯加和夏威夷吗？ did we think we really needed Alaska and Hawaii?
他们就是要把一切都毁了 They gotta ruin everything.
他们毁了美国本土 They ruined the continental United States.
我们有完美的太平洋和大西洋海岸... Yeah, we have a beautiful Pacific coast, Atlantic coast...
这就是美国本土 that's the continental United States.
不需要更多的州了 又不是大英帝国 You don't need more states. We're not the British empire.
怎么 他们是想让我们变成大英帝国吗？ What, are they trying to turn us into the British empire?
- 波多黎各又算什么？ - 拜托 我需要专心开车 -And what is Puerto Rico anyway? -Please, I am trying to drive.
就剩五百米了 就在这儿 Okay, that's three-tenths of a mile, right there.
嗯 Yeah.
- 那... - 我不知道 -So... -l don't know.
- 一定就在这附近了吧？ - 那是不是... -lt's gotta be around here, right? -ls that a....
- 那是排松树吗？ - 如果错过了... -ls that a row of pines? -l will be so mad...
我会很生气的 这是排松树 if we miss this. This is a row of pines.
我们已经开过松树了 We already passed pines.
- 那是车吗？ - 那不是排松树吗？ -ls that a car? -lsn't that a row of pines?
- 那是辆车吗？ - 这指示太傻了 -ls that a car up there? -Stupid directions.
停车出去看下吧 Let's just stop and get out and take a look.
- 肯定就在这附近了 - 我不知道 -lt's gotta be around here. -l don't know.
住手！ Stop!
不 拉里！ No, Larry!
怎么回事？不！天啊！亲爱的 蹬腿！ What's going on? No! My God! Honey, kick!
上帝啊 抓住他！他不会游泳！ Jesus, get him! He can't swim!
- 救命！ - 快抓住他！屏住呼吸！用力蹬！ -Help! -Get him! Hold your breath! Kick!
天啊！ God!
坚持住！ Hold on!
你们好吗？ How you doing?
有人要换干衣服吗？ Anybody need a change of dry clothes?
- 洗个热水澡？ - 这下你高兴了吧 拉里？ -Hot bath? -You happy about this, Larry?
这就是你想要的吧？就喜欢这样吧？你个混蛋 ls this what you had in mind? You like this, you dick?
亲爱的 没关系 Honey, it's fine.
有关系 你到底有什么毛病？ lt's not fine. What the hell is the matter with you?
我以为他要淹死他 我很抱歉！ l thought that he was drowning him. l'm sorry!
胡说 你才没有以为他要淹死了 你就是不想让他改信仰 Bullshit, you didn't think he was drowning, you didn't want him to convert.
所以你就大叫着从山上跑下来阻止 So you came screaming down the hill to stop it.
我有什么好操心的？我才不在乎他改不改信仰 What do I care? I don't care if he converts.
胡说八道 你就是不想失去一个犹太徒 That is ridiculous. You didn't want to lose a Jew.
我根本不在乎失不失去犹太徒 都拿去 我不需要他们 l don't care if I lose Jews. Take them all, I don't need them.
我都不想要 这就是洗礼的意义所在 但是你把它全毁了 I don't want ’em. That‘s the whole point of the baptism, but you came and blew it.
- 你这话什么意思？ - 我想要你 但是不想让你信犹太教 -What is that supposed to mean? -l want you, I don't want you to be a Jew.
跟她说这是个意外 你不是有意的 Tell her it was an accident, you didn't mean to interrupt.
我从来没见过洗礼 我不知道是怎么回事 l never saw a baptism before, l don't know what it is.
- 你怎么可能不知道洗礼是什么？ - 我从来没参加过 -How can you not know what a baptism is? -l'd never been to one.
我还从来没参加过割礼呢 我也知道那是什么 l've never been to a bris, but I know what it is.
他不是有意打断的 He didn't mean to interrupt you.
拉里 能跟你说句话吗？ Larry, can I have a word with you for a second?
过来 你不认识我 我叫大卫勒文 Come here. You don't know me, Dave Levin.
我是那个蠢货的哥哥 l'm the schmuck's brother-in-law.
- 你做了件很勇敢的事 - 我什么都没做 -What you did is a very gutsy thing. -No, I didn't do anything.
你不需要邀功 我只是告诉你 You don't have to take a bow for it, l'm just telling you.
犹太人对犹太人 你去阻止这件事真的很勇敢 As one Jew to another, it's a gutsy thing to come in and step in.
- 我都不知道... - 这是我们家的幸事 谢谢你 -l didn't even... -A mitzvah for my family, thank you.
- 这是我内人 - 你做的很好 打扰了 你做了件好事 -That's the wife. -You did good. Excuse me, you did good.
但是我都没... 我以为他... But I didn't even... I thought he was...
别谦虚了 你现在跟我们在一起了 Don't be modest about this. You're with us now.
跟我们在一起了 好吧？ You're with us now, all right?
问题是现在要怎么办？什么时候回去？ The question is, what do we do now? When do we go back in?
- 没错 - 什么意思 回去？ -Right. -What do you mean, go back in?
-我们得完成仪式 -完成仪式？我都做了啊 做了我承诺的 -We gotta finish it. -Finish it? I did it. I did what I said what I was gonna do.
我到水下了 你把我按到了水里 l got under the water, you held me under.
那只是开始 光那样不行的 No, you just kind of started it, but it didn't really work.
不完整 Not complete.
这不是我的错 我做了应该做的 That's not my fault, l did what I was supposed to do.
但是你得回去 But you gotta go back in.
我泡了你一次 要泡三次 l dunked you one time, you need to be dunked three times.
你还得泡两次 You need two more dunks.
你没开玩笑吧？我不想再泡水里了 You're joking, right? l don't want anymore dunking.
回去再泡两次就结束了 Get back in, a couple of dunks, you're done.
我不想再回去了 第一次就够难受了 l don't wanna go back in there. lt was hard enough the first time.
我喜欢你跟他们说你从来没见过洗礼 l like the way you told them you've never seen a baptism before.
- 闻所未闻 - 真是太妙了 -l've never heard of that. -That was brilliant.
你真是个天才 You're a genius.
我只是觉得得有人站出来做些什么 You know, I thought something had to be done, really.
你做到了 你完全做到了 You did it. You done did it, boy.
所以我就说我从来没见过洗礼 So, I said that thing about the baptism.
拉比阿齐瓦说只需要一个人 Yeah, Rabbi Akiva says it takes one man.
没必要一定在河里 你这里有浴缸吗？ We don't have to do it in a river. Do you have a tub in this house?
- 当然有 - 把浴缸加满水就行了 -Yes, of course, we have a tub. -We can fill the tub up.
这样跟你说吧 给我拿杯水 我往你身上洒点水就好了 l'll tell you what, get me a cup of water, l'll sprinkle you.
- 只要一杯水 - 不是河的问题 -Just a cup of water. -l don't think it's about the river.
我觉得我不应该做这件事了 l don't think I should be doing this.
- 什么？ - 你知道吗？ -What? -You know what?
我不清楚被洗礼是什么样的 l don't know what it's like to have a baptism.
我不知道应该有什么感觉... I don't know what you're supposed to feel...
但是我感觉 当我被按在水下的时候 我觉得受到了启示... but I felt something. When I was held under the water, I felt a revelation...
就像是上帝的旨意 说我不应该做这件事 like it was some sort of message from God that I shouldn't do this.
我从水里出来之后 我不觉得自己变成基督徒了... After I came out of the water, l didn't feel like a Christian...
反而更像犹太人了 l felt like even more of a Jew.
你在说什么啊？ What are you talking about?
我只是说 我在那里做的事告诉我... l'm just saying something happened to me there that told me...
某个人或者某件事在说 "别干这个 接受你自己的身份" someone or something was saying, ''Don't do this, be happy with who you are."
"你就是犹太人 没关系" ''You're Jewish and that's okay.''
你得变成基督徒我才能跟你结婚 l need for you to be a Christian before I marry you.
谁会挺身而出做这样的事？ Whoever steps up and does something like that?
- 我感觉不错 - 应该的 -l feel good. -You should.
- 你太厉害了 - 简直是个英雄 -You're amazing. -You're a hero.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我想跟你谈谈我女儿成人礼的事 l'd like you talk at my daughter's Bat Mitzvah.
有什么事让我改变心意了 让我变得不同了 Something changed my mind for me, makes me feel different now.
- 我觉得就是因为洗礼 - 那我们就别结婚了 -l think it was the baptism. -Then we're not getting married.
- 我不想接受洗礼 - 我也不想结婚了 -l'm not getting baptized. -l'm not getting married.
- 好了 谢尔顿 贝基... - 拉里 听到了吗？ -Okay, Sheldon, Becky... -Larry, did you hear that?
我们不结婚了！现在你高兴了吧你个杂种！ We're not getting married! You happy now, you son of a bitch?
不许叫他杂种 他不是杂种 Don't call him a son of a bitch, he's not a son of a bitch.
这个人今天做了件很美好的事 This man happened to do a wonderful thing today.
- 什么？ - 你在说什么... -What? -What are you saying...
成为基督徒就不是件美好的事了吗？ that being a Christian isn't a wonderful thing?
- 你在暗示什么？ - 他不是那个意思 -What are you insinuating? -He's not saying that.
对你们来说是美好的 但是我们憎恨这样的招募 lt's wonderful for you, we resent the recruitment.
我们不需要你们 We don't need you.
什么事儿到你们这群人这里都是天大的问题！ Everything's a big problem with you people!
回家真好啊 lt's good to be home.
那是我的外套 你把我的外套给了那个人！ There's my jacket, there's the guy you gave my jacket to!
能帮帮我吗？ Can you help me out?
- 记得我吗？我给了你这件衣服 - 嗨 -Remember me? I gave you the jacket. -Hi.
那是我的外套 你穿着很好看 That's my jacket, it looks really good on you.
很高兴你用得到 拿着这个 l'm glad you could use it, there you go.
- 谢谢 - 谢谢 -Thanks. -Thank you.
- 再次感谢... - 好了 再见 -Thanks again for... -Okay, bye.
噢 怎么了？ Oh, dear. Yes?
我发现了这些机票 l found these airplane tickets.
我试过给你们打电话 上面有号码 l tried to call you. The phone number was on there.
你们没有答录机吗？ You guys don't have a phone machine?
翻译:Carol 校对:白羽黑鹭 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net